Malinka's Studio

A crazy girl, in a small studio :) :) :)

Meeting my Ideal Man – 2

Videocall943_sketchhere is the 1st part: Meeting my Ideal Man

Just months before the new year’s eve I am in Budapest, starting a new life and waiting for my ideal man to join me!!!
I had 1 month of peace before crazy starts at work. It was the first time in a long time when I didn’t have to run anywhere or to help anyone, I had this time all for me. I was looking for a good present but couldn’t chose anything because we were never this close for me to actually know what he likes. I started buying supplies and realized that I don’t know if he drinks coffee or just tea, if he eats cereals or pasta, gas water or tapped, cola or sprite? I wanted to ask him all these questions but he was in another trip. And what do people do when they don’t get answers? they panic! He was nowhere to be found. This is not a new situation, because we are in different it passed weeks with no news from him so this is normal. With this free time, I started really analyzing the situation. I was getting confused, what do I really know about this guys, he could have one, two, three girlfriends, he could be married and have 3 kids and I am his female friend that he just talks to occasionally? or he might be lonely and likes to chat with me and no romantic feelings, who knows? I waited for him to get back in touch to plan his trip to Budapest and genuinely, just to speak some more. This never happened. During this month of peace I realized that if he liked me at least a bit, we would have been together a long time ago. He was always aware of where am I in life as a person and he didn’t take a step towards me. He is not restricted by a job, or by his family, he always travels, he could have traveled to my city. During this month only, I realized that he never asked me out on a date. I was thinking that he didn’t do that because I was not at that level when we met. It is the first day of 2013 and he is not here, not even close to come, he has vanished for the moment. He will get back in touch in a couple of weeks and I will be happy to chat with him, as someone that he has obviously considered me to be – his friend.
The bottom line is that he is not interested in me in that way, no matter what my level is and I have finally made peace with that. Coming to this realization has proved to be the best thing that happened to me this past year. If I was motivated by a potential relationship to grow so much, to discipline myself and to learn, I can only imagine what I can obtain once I have more concrete objectives!!!  I have the confidence to plan my future and I see very clear how I can fulfill these plans.
I am somehow grateful for meeting him at that time in my life. I am sure that he doesn’t realize what influence he had on me and how much he helped me. I really got to a different level and being here allows me to see other opportunities of growing and of course, to understand witch opportunities are real and witch are just fantasies 🙂 I don’t know if this is the desire of improving myself for the ideal man or its the fact that I’m growing up, but I see things better and clearer. I wonder, do all adults clear their minds in a peaceful month???? 🙂
It sounds silly but this is the absolute truth and I have to be honest, it makes more sens in my head than on the paper :). It feels good to write it down because not even my closest friends know about it.
I am confident about my future now knowing how well disciplined and motivated I can be. You just wait and see, world, you just wait and see 🙂 🙂 🙂

January 2, 2013 Posted by | Dating, Obsessions | , , , | 12 Comments

Meeting my Ideal Man

Videocall943_sketchDear Friends, let me share with you how I met my ideal man. At 21 I met a very nice young man, he was the ideal man for me, very smart, very nice body and well educated. It was a cultural shock for me to discover this man’s mind and presence. He worked for a public institution in my city so he had a suit on and after work he had the simplest t-shirt, as I said, the ideal man!!! We became friends and shortly I became obsessed with him. I was so in love that I would follow him everywhere and made sure to join him in all his trips. Shortly his internship was over and he went on to another country, doing another internship. I was not sad that he left because I knew that at that stage of my life, I was not ready or willing to wear all Lacoste and eat with a fork and a knife. I was at the stage when I was working as a waitress to support myself and was eating while rushing to class or work. So I thought to myself: you are not at his level at the moment, once time will pass and things will get better, how knows??? maybe it will happen. Because we kept in touch this feeling got even stronger. I thought to myself that if I really want to get to this guy’s level, I should work on myself. Here the English lessons started, better grades, and instead of working in a bar I applied for a position at an embassy, and then at an international consultancy company. I started being very socially active, got involved in NGOs, charity activities, international projects, conferences and business trips, reading like crazy, writing and publishing articles … I was always looking to meet more interesting and important people so that I could cultivate myself. When the time comes I want to meet him again and take his breath away! Every decision that I made was based on: would his girlfriend (but I was thinking wife) settle for this level or she would push more and get better results??? Every event that I attended was based on the same logic: is this event interesting enough for his wife? Every peace of clothing or jewel was carefully researched and selected on the same criteria.  Basically, I dragged my ass from a world of waiting tables to an international business environment and I enjoyed every moment of it!!! I became an elegant girl and at the same time I could relax and just go out for a beer. I was doing all these thinking that I have all the potential of making it in this world and getting my ideal man. We kept in touch and he always knew about my activities and was genuine happy for me, happy and proud. I was thinking to myself that the magic day is coming and 2 years of hard work on myself will pay out. We kept in touch even if we constantly moved and lived in other countries.
During the Autumn we agreed to spend the new year’s eve together in Budapest, since it is very close to his country. From the conversation I felt that he is on the same page as me, this would mean more that a visit to Budapest, this would mean another try for us as a couple. This time I had all the cards in my sleeve!!!

to be continue at Meeting my Ideal Man – 2

December 29, 2012 Posted by | Dating, Obsessions | , , , , | 10 Comments

I feel excited about my life and i really like it!

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERATime heals nothing, its what you do during that time that counts, its how you feel and what transformation happen to you is the most important.

Dear friends, Budapest is an amazing city!!! it has greatness and a historic
atmosphere that is amazing, especially during the winter with all the lights and
snow. I don’t know if this is just the adrenaline of just moving here or if this will last for a while, but I really hope it will !!!

Another interesting aspect is the discovering of people, it is amazing how different people are, compared to what I was told about them or compared to the stereotypes i know about their nation/region…

I am away from my family for the holidays but I try to stay positive, to focus on new things and new people!

In simple words, I feel excited about my life and i really like it! 🙂 🙂 🙂

December 26, 2012 Posted by | Social life | , , , | 4 Comments

It might sun but I just don’t see it

I recently received a job offer in another country and I accepted it with no reserves. I do not know why but I am not happy where I live now. Everybody keeps showing me that I have all the possible conditions to be very happy and still I’m not. I have my own place, I make good money for witch I work hard and still I can’t feel any enjoyment. I was thinking that this could be because I was single but I was dating someone and it didn’t make me feel any better. It is like everybody keeps pointing to the sun and I can’t see or feel it. It is the holidays season and I’m running from what I call now “my home” with no remorse.
Before leaving I made the usual steps: farewell party and making my boss very angry with this decision, he said that anyone with half of brain would see that this is a bad choice! I organised 2 parties: for my ex-colleagues and for my friends. At the first one only 1 person showed up and at the second – 4. I appreciate their efforts with all my hearth since the weather was terrible but this again proves my point: I’m not happy here, I don’t even have friends.
The move is very very sudden and I have to leave tomorrow morning. I was very lucky to find a place to stay, I received some important documents, managed to rent my own apartment and clarified all possible issues. I feel like faith is telling me that this is a good leave. I hope that this will be true and that in this new country I will find whatever it is missing from my life.
I read a book about a Russian girl that dreamed that she will see the sea. She felt that she will not be happy until this happens. When she grew up that was the only thing on her mind: to see the sea. When she finally reached it, by the seashore she was stabbed by some drunk sailors… I am just afraid that some random people will kill my hope that some other place will be different. The only different thing  is that I’m only half Russian and half Romanian so I believe that it doesn’t apply to me 🙂 🙂 🙂
I am writing now from the center of my pity party were the only guest that arrived is me and the only reason why I am posting this is because I’m tipsy and probably will delete it tomorrow.
I hope to write soon with the very first impression of Budapest, this is where I’m moving. Since I’m so self-centered I wanted to write about my fears and not about the city of witch I know frankly nothing, yet 🙂 🙂 🙂

December 13, 2012 Posted by | Social life | , , | 7 Comments

The Beauty Stealers by Pascal Bruckner

I read this book in a few hours! The Beauty Stealers  (original name Les Voleurs de Beauté, published in 1996) by Pascal Bruckner is an original and rough book, which presents the game of power between women and men, and most of all, the game of power between beautiful and ugly. The idea is extremely new (at least to me), it is strange, pessimistic, violent and sometimes just scary and the writing style is definitely french.

The novel is structured on 2 main stories: Helene & Benjamin’s story and Mathilde & Ferdinand’s. In the first couple, Helene is the one who has all the control and in the second one – the dominant one is Ferdinand.
The story line is amazing twisted: Benjamin meets Mathilde at the hospital, where she is the psychiatrist on call. He reveals his sad story of how he meat 3 awful people; they believed that beauty is a capital crime and did their best to eradicate it. They would hold beautiful girls in their basement for up to 2 years, until they became scared and mentally traumatized, then just release them to live as an ugly person. He is forced to help them retain other beautiful girls as they have Helene hostage. Mathilde just broke up with Ferdinand, she got tired of his erotic cravings, She herd story and was convinced by the idea that she should also be sacrificed because she was beautiful. At this point the story twists again and the ending is quite unexpected.
I felt that the book doesn’t have the classic positive/negative characters structure. All the heroes did awful things, or were witnessing awful things and did nothing, this makes me believe that this book has only anti-heroes. I couldn’t pick any favorites or someone to relate to, only cowards and crazy people in this book!
None of them tried to fight the obstacles they meat, none of them had any power or initiative. They struggled a little and then just accepted what was happening to them.
This book made me mad sooo many times: it reflects what a disturbed view has society towards beauty, life, family, dignity and career. People that are obsessed with the idea of getting old and losing the only things that made them special: physical beauty.
There is no place for love in this book. If it exists it’s just lust or it’s only a game of power or just a coincidence because the character didn’t have another object to reflect his/her influence.
Nobody has any principles: Mathilde mocks her patients in her mind, Benjamin copies all the lines of his book from dead authors, the Steiner family believes it is not fair that they’re old and other girls are beautiful and young… It pains me to think that this book is a reflection of our times :(.
I definitely recommend this book, it is strange, the writing style is close to french lethargic and the plot is very interesting!

 

November 17, 2012 Posted by | Book reviews | , , , , | 2 Comments

Good books for girls (age 10-12 years old) indicative list

As some of you know, I am looking for Good books for girls for the age 10-12 years old. The main difficulty being the appropriate content and translation in Romanian available. I have received some very useful feedback from some of you and I have started to search the books and authors that you guys recommended. For starters, I bought the following books. Of course I will complete this list until Ana-Maria figures out what author she likes and starts to search herself for books. I am just the spark for her passion. So here is the indicative list:

1. Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll
2 The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn  by Mark Twain
3. Gavroche and Cosette (fragments) by Victor Hugo
4. One Thousand and One Nights (fragments) – Arabian stories
5. Fram, the polar bear by Cezar Pertrescu
6. Heidi by Johanna Spyri
7. White Fang by Jack London
8. a couple of books by Jules Verne

A hope that she will like them 🙂 !

November 17, 2012 Posted by | Book reviews | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Failure to launch

Look my friends: this is the smile of a loser.
I tried to switch to my own site (malinkasstudio.com) and could’t. Because of my poor technical skills and mainly because of my location, the server kept having errors. I feel a bit like a loser but that’s alright, losers are people that didn’t win just yet, but they are very close. Now I have to smile and move on to simple thinks that I can understand and that I can really control: like take pictures in my bathroom 🙂
Happy Sunday everyone!

November 11, 2012 Posted by | Social life | , , , , , | 5 Comments

Preparing to date ? :)

As you have noticed I haven’t been posting anything relating or even close to dating. I have to say that I have been down a little. Because of the Crush on a Leo and because some important people have moved away (shout out to Elena Nevada 🙂 ) I was not myself lately and I needed some time to put the pieces together. I started reading more often and just being more passive in general and I have to say that it did me only good. I guess I needed a slower period. Now I feel that I smile as usual, I speak and I feel as positive as always, what a better time to meet someone new, maybe the love of my life ??? 🙂 I spiritually feel ready to meet someone and I feel like I have the patience to discover a listen to a life story… 🙂
I got a new haircut, tailored my French coat, bought new shoes and together with me feeling like myself I feel that I am ready to go back in the dating game! 🙂 🙂 🙂
what news do you have, dear World?

October 30, 2012 Posted by | Dating | , , | 8 Comments

Carti bune pentru fetite de 11-12 ani

For English version click here: Good books for girls (age 10-12 years old)

Salutare lume! Faceti cunostiinta cu nepotica mea – Ana- Maria (de 11 ani) Ei ii place sa citeasca foarte mult si ma intrebat daca pot sa-i recomand niste carti bune. Eu sint incintata de pasiunea ei si as vrea sa-i dau o lista de carti care sa o inspire, carti care s-o motiveze sa devina o femeie inteligenta si ambitioasa, ca si matusica ei 🙂 🙂 🙂  In acelasi timp, m-am blocat din cauza unor detalii:
1. nu vreau sa citeasca cartile obisnuite de aventuri, carti ce au ca erou principal un baiat, vreau carti cu personaje feminine, in care ea sa se regaseasca
2. Alta problema este: cartile care imi par portivite nu sint disponibile in limba romana
3. nu vreau sa-i dau carti nepotrivite virstei ei

Asadar, cu toate acestea in gind am inceput o vinatoare de carti pentru fetite pre-adolescente!!! o sa fac o lista si o sa va tin la curent cu rezultatul final
Desigur, cu totii sinteti bineveniti sa-mi recomandati cartile voastre preferate si primiti recunostiinta mea in avans! 🙂 🙂 🙂

ps: astea sint primele carti pe care le-am gasit si i le-am daruit de Craciun 🙂

1. Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland de Lewis Carroll
The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn  de Mark Twain
3. Gavroche and Cosette (fragments) de Victor Hugo
4. One Thousand and One Nights (fragments) – selectie de povesti arabe
5. Fram, the polar bear de Cezar Pertrescu
6. Heidi de Johanna Spyri
7. White Fang de Jack London
8. si multe carti scrise de  Jules Verne

cu toate ca m-am mutat in alta tara – Ungaria, vinatoare pentru carti bune pentru copii este deschisa !!!

October 29, 2012 Posted by | Family, Recenzii carti, Social life | , | 4 Comments

Good books for girls (age 10-12 years old)

for Romanian version please click here: Carti bune pentru fetite de 11-12 ani

Hello world – please meet my niece – Ana Maria, she is 11 y.o. She likes to read very much and she asked if I could recommend some good books. I am thrilled about her passion and would like to give a list of inspirational books, which will motivate her to be a smart and ambitious women, just like her auntie 🙂 ; at the same time, I am stuck with these issues:
1. I don’t want her to read the usual adventure books that have as main character a boy, I want books with characters that she can relate to.
2. Another problem is that the ones I believe are very good are not translated in Romanian, which is the language she reads in.
3. I don’t want to give her any inappropriate books for her age.

So I started a book hunt, for the best books for a teen (or pre-teen) girl! I will keep you posted on the final list! 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
of course, all of you are more than welcome to recommend some titles, all my best regards in advance!

October 29, 2012 Posted by | Book reviews, Family, Social life | , , , | 9 Comments

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