Malinka's Studio

A crazy girl, in a small studio :) :) :)

The King’s Fool

ch_jester_jesterThere are not too many dates that I go too, but this one was accidently. I was taking  a trip to Viena and Bratislava when I noticed a group of Brazilian people. I have a ton of stereotipes in my head about them and decided to see if they are true. I was talking with one of them with the greatest smile I have ever seen and I asked him out for a coffee. Their next destination was Budapest, my residence city. It was my first direct contact with the Brazilian culture (besides the telenovelas) and I was so impressed by the atitude and by the energy! I felt like nothing can make this guy sad or angry and I am always curious about these kind of people. Of course like any Brazilian (maybe another pre-conception?) he was very romantic and playful. Our first date went very well and we both had fun, then met some of my friends and went home at 1 am. I was looking forward to see him the next day even if I was aware that this is a date between his traveling, I was ok with that. I was genuinely interested to learn more about him and his country and didn’t consider this a romantic date. The next day he said he is busy with his friends but that I can come along. I was a little bumped but again, I was interested in learning more about him and his culture. So I met the friends, we had a nice time, they were all turists so they made pictures, sang their songs, showed me their dances, told me their believes, and in between all these the Brazilian guy was giving me sweet kisses (by the way, did anyone noticed that they kiss diferently than the europeans? or it is just me) … it was a nice experience! I was prepared to call it done when he invited me over in his town to spend time together, or he can visit me, he can show me the city, let’s keep in touch, add me on your networks… I was more than happy to do that but still reluctant, after my experience with long distance romance. We said good bye in front of the hostel and I went home to dream about him :).  A couple of days later and weeks after that I wrote to him just to say hi and to ask how is life, but never got an answer. His friends posted tones of pictures from their trip and none of them were with me, they either selected the ones I made or cut me from the pictures. All these make me believe that I was just the king’s fool for their trip. I was the entertainer, I was aware of that and was fine with this role until he sugesteg we keep in touch further. That moment I left my imaginary hat and started to think and to hope for more, forgetting he lives in another country!
The worst part was that he ruined it for the next Brazilians I will be meeting in my life, I will believe that they are double faced just like this guy, and it is too bad because I really like their spirit. Oh well, I am funny and I am good for a laugh. If it was not for that moment of losing my hat, I would have been happier today.

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May 12, 2013 Posted by | Dating | , , , , | 3 Comments

Meeting my Ideal Man – 2

Videocall943_sketchhere is the 1st part: Meeting my Ideal Man

Just months before the new year’s eve I am in Budapest, starting a new life and waiting for my ideal man to join me!!!
I had 1 month of peace before crazy starts at work. It was the first time in a long time when I didn’t have to run anywhere or to help anyone, I had this time all for me. I was looking for a good present but couldn’t chose anything because we were never this close for me to actually know what he likes. I started buying supplies and realized that I don’t know if he drinks coffee or just tea, if he eats cereals or pasta, gas water or tapped, cola or sprite? I wanted to ask him all these questions but he was in another trip. And what do people do when they don’t get answers? they panic! He was nowhere to be found. This is not a new situation, because we are in different it passed weeks with no news from him so this is normal. With this free time, I started really analyzing the situation. I was getting confused, what do I really know about this guys, he could have one, two, three girlfriends, he could be married and have 3 kids and I am his female friend that he just talks to occasionally? or he might be lonely and likes to chat with me and no romantic feelings, who knows? I waited for him to get back in touch to plan his trip to Budapest and genuinely, just to speak some more. This never happened. During this month of peace I realized that if he liked me at least a bit, we would have been together a long time ago. He was always aware of where am I in life as a person and he didn’t take a step towards me. He is not restricted by a job, or by his family, he always travels, he could have traveled to my city. During this month only, I realized that he never asked me out on a date. I was thinking that he didn’t do that because I was not at that level when we met. It is the first day of 2013 and he is not here, not even close to come, he has vanished for the moment. He will get back in touch in a couple of weeks and I will be happy to chat with him, as someone that he has obviously considered me to be – his friend.
The bottom line is that he is not interested in me in that way, no matter what my level is and I have finally made peace with that. Coming to this realization has proved to be the best thing that happened to me this past year. If I was motivated by a potential relationship to grow so much, to discipline myself and to learn, I can only imagine what I can obtain once I have more concrete objectives!!!  I have the confidence to plan my future and I see very clear how I can fulfill these plans.
I am somehow grateful for meeting him at that time in my life. I am sure that he doesn’t realize what influence he had on me and how much he helped me. I really got to a different level and being here allows me to see other opportunities of growing and of course, to understand witch opportunities are real and witch are just fantasies 🙂 I don’t know if this is the desire of improving myself for the ideal man or its the fact that I’m growing up, but I see things better and clearer. I wonder, do all adults clear their minds in a peaceful month???? 🙂
It sounds silly but this is the absolute truth and I have to be honest, it makes more sens in my head than on the paper :). It feels good to write it down because not even my closest friends know about it.
I am confident about my future now knowing how well disciplined and motivated I can be. You just wait and see, world, you just wait and see 🙂 🙂 🙂

January 2, 2013 Posted by | Dating, Obsessions | , , , | 12 Comments

Meeting my Ideal Man

Videocall943_sketchDear Friends, let me share with you how I met my ideal man. At 21 I met a very nice young man, he was the ideal man for me, very smart, very nice body and well educated. It was a cultural shock for me to discover this man’s mind and presence. He worked for a public institution in my city so he had a suit on and after work he had the simplest t-shirt, as I said, the ideal man!!! We became friends and shortly I became obsessed with him. I was so in love that I would follow him everywhere and made sure to join him in all his trips. Shortly his internship was over and he went on to another country, doing another internship. I was not sad that he left because I knew that at that stage of my life, I was not ready or willing to wear all Lacoste and eat with a fork and a knife. I was at the stage when I was working as a waitress to support myself and was eating while rushing to class or work. So I thought to myself: you are not at his level at the moment, once time will pass and things will get better, how knows??? maybe it will happen. Because we kept in touch this feeling got even stronger. I thought to myself that if I really want to get to this guy’s level, I should work on myself. Here the English lessons started, better grades, and instead of working in a bar I applied for a position at an embassy, and then at an international consultancy company. I started being very socially active, got involved in NGOs, charity activities, international projects, conferences and business trips, reading like crazy, writing and publishing articles … I was always looking to meet more interesting and important people so that I could cultivate myself. When the time comes I want to meet him again and take his breath away! Every decision that I made was based on: would his girlfriend (but I was thinking wife) settle for this level or she would push more and get better results??? Every event that I attended was based on the same logic: is this event interesting enough for his wife? Every peace of clothing or jewel was carefully researched and selected on the same criteria.  Basically, I dragged my ass from a world of waiting tables to an international business environment and I enjoyed every moment of it!!! I became an elegant girl and at the same time I could relax and just go out for a beer. I was doing all these thinking that I have all the potential of making it in this world and getting my ideal man. We kept in touch and he always knew about my activities and was genuine happy for me, happy and proud. I was thinking to myself that the magic day is coming and 2 years of hard work on myself will pay out. We kept in touch even if we constantly moved and lived in other countries.
During the Autumn we agreed to spend the new year’s eve together in Budapest, since it is very close to his country. From the conversation I felt that he is on the same page as me, this would mean more that a visit to Budapest, this would mean another try for us as a couple. This time I had all the cards in my sleeve!!!

to be continue at Meeting my Ideal Man – 2

December 29, 2012 Posted by | Dating, Obsessions | , , , , | 10 Comments

I feel excited about my life and i really like it!

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERATime heals nothing, its what you do during that time that counts, its how you feel and what transformation happen to you is the most important.

Dear friends, Budapest is an amazing city!!! it has greatness and a historic
atmosphere that is amazing, especially during the winter with all the lights and
snow. I don’t know if this is just the adrenaline of just moving here or if this will last for a while, but I really hope it will !!!

Another interesting aspect is the discovering of people, it is amazing how different people are, compared to what I was told about them or compared to the stereotypes i know about their nation/region…

I am away from my family for the holidays but I try to stay positive, to focus on new things and new people!

In simple words, I feel excited about my life and i really like it! 🙂 🙂 🙂

December 26, 2012 Posted by | Social life | , , , | 4 Comments

It might sun but I just don’t see it

I recently received a job offer in another country and I accepted it with no reserves. I do not know why but I am not happy where I live now. Everybody keeps showing me that I have all the possible conditions to be very happy and still I’m not. I have my own place, I make good money for witch I work hard and still I can’t feel any enjoyment. I was thinking that this could be because I was single but I was dating someone and it didn’t make me feel any better. It is like everybody keeps pointing to the sun and I can’t see or feel it. It is the holidays season and I’m running from what I call now “my home” with no remorse.
Before leaving I made the usual steps: farewell party and making my boss very angry with this decision, he said that anyone with half of brain would see that this is a bad choice! I organised 2 parties: for my ex-colleagues and for my friends. At the first one only 1 person showed up and at the second – 4. I appreciate their efforts with all my hearth since the weather was terrible but this again proves my point: I’m not happy here, I don’t even have friends.
The move is very very sudden and I have to leave tomorrow morning. I was very lucky to find a place to stay, I received some important documents, managed to rent my own apartment and clarified all possible issues. I feel like faith is telling me that this is a good leave. I hope that this will be true and that in this new country I will find whatever it is missing from my life.
I read a book about a Russian girl that dreamed that she will see the sea. She felt that she will not be happy until this happens. When she grew up that was the only thing on her mind: to see the sea. When she finally reached it, by the seashore she was stabbed by some drunk sailors… I am just afraid that some random people will kill my hope that some other place will be different. The only different thing  is that I’m only half Russian and half Romanian so I believe that it doesn’t apply to me 🙂 🙂 🙂
I am writing now from the center of my pity party were the only guest that arrived is me and the only reason why I am posting this is because I’m tipsy and probably will delete it tomorrow.
I hope to write soon with the very first impression of Budapest, this is where I’m moving. Since I’m so self-centered I wanted to write about my fears and not about the city of witch I know frankly nothing, yet 🙂 🙂 🙂

December 13, 2012 Posted by | Social life | , , | 7 Comments

   

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